Yesterday’s rant about Sinfully Delicious candy resulted in several friends refusing to sample it. After reading how I’d spluttered and gagged my way through five or six pellets, folks around me elected to learn from my experience instead of trying the candy for themselves.
You’d think, then, that I would have learned a lesson, too, yes?
Not me! Instead, this morning, after reading a claim that a few of the flavors were actually delightful, I submitted myself to Cinnamon Apple Pie, Caramel and Nuts, and Nutty Butterscotch Sundae.
As I expected, these selections, too, were chalky, chemically sweet, and laced with an unpleasant metallic flavor that lingered in my mouth for hours. Enough! I swore the candies off and went on my way.
What I didn’t expect: those four candies took me over some sort of biometric threshhold. An hour later, I suffered severe and painful cramping. Three hours later, I began producing copious amounts of noisy gas. Five hours later, sudden and uncontrollable bathroom hijinks began.
How sudden? How uncontrollable? Let’s just say by the time I excused myself and dashed to the bathroom … I was too late.
After experiencing the gastrointestinal equivalent of a Level Four hurricane, I understood better the creator’s claim that this candy was “taking [the nation] by storm.”
Sinfully Delicious candy, anyone?
Severe and painful cramping? Read the fine print, buddy! “May have laxative type effects.” It’s the same as most “low carb” bars and candies. Those too have the same side effects. You ate four. No wonder you were in the bathroom for a while. Why don’t you just take four Xlax and call me in the morning.
In my opinion, spending hours dealing with cramps and runny stool is too high a price to pay for eating four waxy, chalky, gritty pellets of “candy.”
If I gotta limit myself to less than four tiny candy wafers, I’ll stick to four tiny pieces of real candy, which, in addition to tasting better, have no laxitive effect.