So we’re in Lowe’s, shopping for silent bathroom exhaust fans and light bulbs. On the way out, we pass a huge display — it’s gotta be eight feet tall or more — packed with what appear to be foil-wrapped candy bars.
Of course, this immediately gets my attention.
Upon closer inspection, the packages don’t contain candy at all. Instead, they’re individually-wrapped glow-sticks. If you’re my age, glow sticks strike a nostalgic chord — they’re the late 1970’s version of Silly Putty or Rubick’s Cubes. To this day, I remember my first glow stick: flexing the tube, hearing the snap, and watching with wonder as the eerie green light flared to life.
At this point, I’m all aglow myself … until I notice two odd things about the lightstick’s packaging. First, near one end, there’s an odd photo with an even stranger caption: a hand holding the glow stick aloft, tagged with the text “In God We Trust.”
Huh? Since when were green glowing sticks associated with trust in divinity?
And then, on the back, I find the list of uses for glow sticks:
– Disasters (Check.)
– Blackouts (Check.)
– Emergencies (Check.)
– Homeland Security (Chec — whaaaa?)
Homeland security? What the heck do lightsticks have to do with homeland security? What am I supposed to do — lob ’em at Iraqi terrorists and hope they mistake it for some kind of chemical weapon?
Suddenly, I feel as though my childhood friend has been kidnapped by right-wing Republican terror-mongerers.
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