Marriage, The Gays, and Revolving Door Relationships

The other night, my partner, Clyde, and I had dinner with a self-styled “religious and political conservative.”

When the conversation turned to matters of employment, I mentioned a job offer I recently received. “What’s most appealing to me,” I explained, “is the fact that the health insurance benefits will cover us both.”

Our conservative friend frowned. “You two have been together for fifteen years, so I know this doesn’t necessarily apply to you … but what keeps homosexuals from just naming anyone they want to as their partner on that health insurance policy? I mean … what would stop them from changing their partner as often as they like?”

Clyde, bless him, didn’t miss a beat before responding: “What keeps heterosexual people from changing their partner as often as they like? When you got divorced and remarried, didn’t you redefine who would receive your insurance benefits?”

Our conservative friend — who, in the same conversation, had described being married three times in the past twenty-five years — blinked. “Oh. Yeah. I guess we can do that, can’t we?”

Our conservative friend opposes extending benefits to same-sex partners. Why? Because he imagines that The Gays will dissolve and redefine relationships as often as they like. And, at the same time, he supports reserving benefits for married heterosexual couples. Why? Because he somehow imagines that marriage heterosexual relationships are more stable that others — despite the two divorces and three marriages in his own past.

Gay and straight people forge relationships. Gay and straight couples grow apart. The only real difference between our conservative friend and and The Gays is this: before our friend abandoned two prior partners, he was able to marry them.