Happiness Commandments

Over at The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin is writing a memoir about a year spent implementing every happiness tip, philosophy, system, and theory she can find.

One product of this is her list of “Happiness Commandments” — personal guidelines for life, boiled down into short, memorable sayings. Her post got me to thinking: what nuggets of wisdom would appear on my own list of Happiness Commandments?

Here are some candidates, with a brief note about each.

Focus on the now. Now is the only real moment. The past is just a memory, and the future doesn’t exist. In the last two months, I’ve found that this insight leads to great peace.

When I’m walking to work, I don’t worry about the challenges of the day ahead; my “job,” right at that moment, is just putting one foot in front of the other. At dinner, I try not to be distracted by what happened earlier in the day; instead, my goal is to be right there, with my dinner companions, enjoying reality instead of stewing over memories.

This doesn’t mean that I have abandoned planning (I haven’t) or dwelling on fond memories (I haven’t). I does mean, however, that I’ve discovered there are real benefits to living in the present tense as often as possible.

Forget about “should.” As Byron Katie has pointed out, any time we start talking about what we or other people should have done or should be doing, we are detaching ourselves from reality. We did what we did. We are doing what we are doing. We will do what we will do.

When we focus on what others should have done or what we should be doing, we poison the present moment and beat ourselves up with an imaginary standard. (In the end, this will likely be stated more positively: “Embrace reality” or “Deal with what is.”)

Learn to say “No.” An inability to say “No” with firmness and grace — even to people we love or respect — leads to broken commitments, wrecked schedules, and exhaustion.

These past two months, my life has taken a radical new direction. Most days, I work nine or ten hours at The Company, and twelve hour days are not uncommon. Right now, I barely have enough time to meet personal and professional commitments, and what little down time I have isn’t a luxury — it’s essential for my sanity. I’m maxed out.

So: when good friends asked about my availability to become involved in an important charity effort, I said no. When two new web design projects (“just something you could do during your down time”) were offered, I said no. When people at The Company ask about my willingness to serve on this committee or that service project, I smile, thank them for thinking of me, and say, very clearly, no.

And some others I’m still working on or considering:

– Know what matters.

– Know when to listen.

– Know when to stop listening.

– Be thankful.

– Know your limits.

– Keep your commitments.

– Embody compassion.

What would be on your personal list of Happiness Commandments?