After charting my happiness islands and achievement islands, I found myself with a map of the happiest and proudest moments of my life. As I studied that map, I could see broad themes emerging: activities and attitudes that factor into my happiness over and over again.
My greatest moments of happiness are rooted in three activities: commitment, discovery, and sharing.
Commitment. My twenty-year relationship with Clyde is a long term commitment, sustained over time by taking small steps every day. Publishing a book is the result of a long term commitment, sustained over time by taking small steps every day. Making healthier choices is a long term commitment, sustained over time by taking small steps every day. Meditation and spirituality are sustained over time by taking small steps every day. See the pattern here?
Discovery. I love travel because I love the adventure of experiencing new things in new places … and the pleasure of finding new delights in familiar places. I love technology because I love being the guy who helps other people find, understand, and apply new tools for getting creative work done. I love leading workshops and presenting because that gives me an opportunity to take entire groups of people on a voyage of discovery. I love life in Atlanta because there’s so much here to go, see, and do. See the pattern here?
Sharing. I love relationships and friendships where people trust each other enough to share who they really are. I love hearing and telling stories, because it’s an opportunity to share the way we see the world, and what we’ve learned from our experiences. I love MadeByMark.com because, through this site, I share my life, my dreams, my ideas, and my expertise with the world. See the pattern here?
Embedded in those three themes I spotted my personal, customized, time-honored formula for happiness. I’m happiest when I rise above the distractions of the day and fulfill long-term commitments through regular, disciplined, daily work. I’m happiest when I’m discovering new places, new tools, and new ideas. I’m happiest when I’m sharing what I’ve achieved and learned with people who are genuinely interested in getting things done.
And — to share more with you than I ought to — when I look at the most unhappy and unproductive times of my life, these are always moments when commitment, discovery, and sharing were at an all-time low. Most of my regrets are bound up in books I’ve started … and abandoned. Most of the frustration I feel is rooted in times when work became a joyless routine, divorced from the magic of discovery. And I’m at my most unhappy when family, friends, or employers seem to have zero interest in sharing experiences in a way that delights, surprises, and binds people together.
For me, that’s confirmation that these three themes really are my “critical elements of happiness.” With that kind of insight, I can make better choices. I can choose to pursue more of the things that make me happy … and I can choose to turn down, stop doing, or avoid the people and things that detract from my happiness. Or, as Koch would put it, I can start focusing on expanding the 20% of my activities that produce 80% of my happiness.
If you’ve been playing along at home, you now have two lists in hand: your happiness islands, and your achievement islands. Have a look at those two lists. What themes emerge … and what do they tell you about your own “critical elements of happiness?”
More importantly: how might having this information on hand change your life for the better?
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