A better title for this little bit of cinematic fluff would have been Mission: Improbable.
The first few minutes present us with actor Chris Pine (a.k.a. Captain Kirk) as a fresh-faced Marine. The dialogue in this two-minute scene feels rushed — and it is, because, in it, Mr. Pine has to establish Ryan as an admired comrade, an analyst smart enough to notice patterns that his more experienced superiors dismiss, and help green Marine with his seatbelt, all before his helicopter gets shot down by enemy combatants.
Pine’s apparent age, college football player build, and good looks do a good job of selling him as a Marine. But in the scenes that follow (in which more than a decade passes in just a few minutes), we’re asked to buy that, in addition to having completely recovered from the trauma of the crash, he has gone on to become a genius at financial analysis with skills so advanced, he attracts the attention of the CIA. In the process, he also woos his doctor (played by Keira Knightly), who, in addition to being a passionate student of Russian literature and poetry, just happens to be slumming around in a V.A. medical center leading physical therapy sessions.
I get that The Hollywood Action Movie Formula (TM), in order to prevent films like this one from being a total sausage fest, requires the b-story to be a budding but problematic romance. Unfortunately, it’s exactly this storyline that shoves the remainder of the movie over the line from the (just barely) possible to the positively preposterous.
Keira Knightly’s character exists for only two reasons: to call him in the middle of life and death chases and wonder aloud whether Jack’s being unfaithful … and to be tied to the railroad tracks by Kenneth Branagh, who lacks a mustache to twirl, but who must have had some big credit card bills looming over his head that motivated him to co-star in and direct this mess.
At some point, someone must have objected to Knightly’s character having nothing more to do but whine about the relationship and scream, “Save me!” But the fixes — to have her tag along, with the CIA’s consent, on a mission that will decide the fate of the planet … and to have her be the only person in the room who recognizes a photograph of the building where Jack works on Wall Street — are simply ludicrous.
In theory, this is a smart movie about smart people who save the world … but given that it treats the audience’s intelligence with such contempt, going to see it is a bit like paying someone $10.50 to insult you for two hours. (Or $14.50, if you prefer your insults in IMAX 3D.) Skip it.
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