I have read about tours of the Grand Canyon that involve having corn-fed Mormon boys carry you through the wilderness by day, then cook you gourmet meals at night.
Our hiking tour of the rainforest near Paia was not quite as decadent, but still fun. Tour guide Wayne (of Hike Maui) herded us through banana, mango, and guava trees, past waterfalls and shaded pools, and every kind of flower you can imagine, from bright red hibiscus to orange ginger.
Lunch is a too-warm turkey sandwich–this is not a gourmet walking tour by any means–but it’s hard to complain when lunch is followed by a swim in a frosty mountain stream.
Years ago, as I sat on the side of a chilly pond on Cheaha Mountain, a Scoutmaster loudly told everyone (while staring at me), “Know how you can always spot a faggot?While the men swim, the faggots sit on the side of the pool and watch.”
For decades, this faggot–ashamed of his fat belly–sat on the side and watched. Today, I stripped down, jumped in, and enjoyed the sensation of chilly water on my bare white skin.
Take that, Scoutmaster!
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