Stronger Together

Every morning, Clyde and I exercise together. Our new routine involves rising about six, performing a quick check of overnight email, then dragging out our workout toys (resistance bands, chairs, and glasses of water) and starting the Power 90 videos. By seven, our session ends and we move on to breakfast.

For people doing the same routine, we work very differently. I huff and puff; Clyde goes through his routine silently (except for the occasional loud yawn). By the mid-point, I’m drenched with sweat … but Clyde never sweats, no matter how hard he works. (The most he can manage is a faint, moist sheen.)

Having Clyde with me keeps me going, even when I’d much rather stop the DVD, stretch out on the couch, and put a cold cloth on my forehead. There’s something about his all-but-silent presence, his occasional little jokes, and the earnest expression on his ruddy face that makes working out bearable.

In this way, our workouts reflect life: having Clyde with me keeps me going. Almost ten years after meeting him, Clyde continues to make me a better person. He’s a completer, an enhancer: he’s exactly what Scripture talks about when the King James Version uses the word “helpmeet.”

This is why I get so angry when people suggest our relationship is somhow something less than its heterosexual counterpart. So many straight people assume gay people are together for one thing only: sex. (When Clyde and I first got together, my mother once called and said, “When that old man is done with you, when he’s satisfied his fleshly lusts, what do you think he’s going to do? He’s going to move right on to the next one. And the next one. And the next one. It’s what gays do.“)

Newsflash: sex is great … but sexual passion alone doesn’t keep people together for a decade.

Obsessed with sex, conservatives fail to see us:

– on the couch, sharing a quiet night and watching American Idol.

– cooking a simple meal at home

– taking care of each other when flu season comes

– singing in the church choir together

– shopping together for Christmas presents for our families

– exercising together every morning, six days a week.

Sex is no more (or less) a component of my relationship with Clyde than it would be in a straight marriage … but focusing on the sex is a way for the Rabid Religious Right to deny all the other dimensions of gay relationships: the love, the affection, the support, the union, the joy.